you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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