I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
wow bdsm is so cute
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize