it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
