I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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