I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
