And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
