I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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