She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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