after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My bed smells like the plague
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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