Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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