The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
