When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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