Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
