my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like eating out sand paper
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
