As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
