Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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