my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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