I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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