He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
