my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
