last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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