I heard we made out
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
