Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
