I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I look better un-naked...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
