My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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