I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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