You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
