i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
