i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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