I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
