Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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