If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
