I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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