Me. At least after what I've been through.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
