Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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