My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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