if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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