My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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