Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
