I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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