found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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