Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
