We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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