Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
