The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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