I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
