Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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