Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
