operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
