Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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