So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize