I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
