I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
