My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.