Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

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  (917): I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop. http://tfl.nu/w9jv
  Replies (3) Good night (1495) Bad night (697)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (4264) Bad night (78750)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

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  (253): I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer http://tfl.nu/v4f1
  Replies (32) Good night (5518) Bad night (1196)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.

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  (215): Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town. http://tfl.nu/ozti
  Replies (29) Good night (7620) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (10382) Bad night (1060)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

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  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6908) Bad night (1146)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

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  (585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq
  Replies (9) Good night (6294) Bad night (985)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

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  (801): i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick? http://tfl.nu/a1dv
  Replies (22) Good night (3149) Bad night (1357)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.

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  (519): Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even. http://tfl.nu/28ty
  Replies (7) Good night (2571) Bad night (586)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

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  (+44): I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it. http://tfl.nu/jqgn
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (1123)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.

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  (740): I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face. http://tfl.nu/v2r4
  Replies (13) Good night (1905) Bad night (973)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

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  (757): I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet. http://tfl.nu/keov
  Replies (8) Good night (785) Bad night (1163)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?

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  (937): I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date? http://tfl.nu/q2p4
  Replies (7) Good night (439) Bad night (2022)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.

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  (313): Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye. http://tfl.nu/jiz3
  Replies (4) Good night (710) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway

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  (818): So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway http://tfl.nu/rhtw
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (246)

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