You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
