Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.