dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.