I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....