We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.