So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
