i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.