Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?