told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.