she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.