I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
