is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
