Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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