You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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