Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
