Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
