so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
