I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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