I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
