so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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