remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
