sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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