I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
